Movies I Saw Drunk: The Blind Side (2009)

Last night, my girlfriend and I got really drunk and headed to the dollar theater, choosing to see whatever movie was playing next. Unfortunately for us, that movie was the Sandra Bullock drama, The Blind Side. This wasn't so much a movie as an extended commercial for Under Armor, Taco Bell, Border's and the South.

Almost none of this movie wasn't offensive. Constantly, the other main character, the essentially orphaned Micheal Oher, is paired with children. Despite the fact that the film seems to be about working hard to achieve your goals, he doesn't seem to be allowed to function above a child's mental level outside of his classes.

Someday I hope to buy the rights to this film so I can rename it UNDER ARMOR PRESENTS: White Guilt. The audience is expected to side behind Bullock's character, who takes in the wayward Oher, but her character, like almost all the characters in this film, is utterly repulsive. Her part has been written in such a way to grant her the most redeeming role in every scene. As a result, Bullock hasn't so much acted well as played a genuinely good character. But it's this goodness that distracts; it feels so artificial and manipulative.

Ultimately, that's what the film is: manipulative. None of the characters feel real, none of the dialogue feels real, it just feels like a construction intended on producing guilt and drama. I didn't stay for the end, and judging by how it was going 2 hours into the film, I'm not convinced that it does end, but I think it's important to note that this is the first film I've ever walked out on (Avatar would have been the first had the ticket not been so expensive).

In any case, I'm seeing A Town Called Panic tonight, and that should be much better: